Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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