Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
