remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
