ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
