Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
