did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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