This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
