you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
