Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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