just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
