Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
