Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
