I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
