if i can run in heels then i can drive
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
