bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
