Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
