Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
