I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She bit a glass in half.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
