oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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