You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
