A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Fuck me I smell like cheese
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
