I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
