It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
