im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
