Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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