Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
