ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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