I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
