the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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