Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
