i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
