He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
