Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
