Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
