used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
