No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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