dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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