Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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