I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
