You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
