I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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