Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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