I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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