A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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