I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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