My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
