i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
did i walk over a car last night?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
