No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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