i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
