i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
