Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
