finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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